VRROOOOOOOOOOOOOM! F-

whatever trevor

2009-10-01T18:52:23Z

Somewhere along the line I forgot it gets cold in New York and there's been a bitter, bitter awakening. Shooooooot I kept saying yesterday, I hate winter, and somebody'd always say, it's fall. I'd get upset at home if there was a bite in the air on Halloween, and here I'll be turning twenny in a sweater. I already knew a long time ago people are always going to be as stupid as they were when they were kids but still yet I feel too stupid to get older. At least it's easier to turn even numbered years. A woman at KMart asked me what I'm going to do with my art degree and gave me that look when I said I can't think about it yet. ho ho ho, fuck.

coppergecko @ 2009-09-17T15:57:00

2009-09-17T20:49:14Z

sit aroun, retard retard retard, sure is 2006 in here

I have two loud teachers and two quiet teachers, and there is a loud woman and a loud man, and a quiet woman and a quiet man. They are all pretty beautiful. Over the summer I saw unfiltered night sky once, and it made me question where I'm going when I die (It used to be a pretty sure bet I'd go to the southern cross).

coppergecko @ 2009-08-23T15:55:00

2009-08-23T20:00:48Z

and well, you know, happiness is a choice, confusion is more a permanent state of being
I an no one eat this elk jerky with, little sparrow flies so high and feels no pain

ART SHOW

2009-08-01T01:14:46Z

link to google maps

If you are free tomorrow evening please come check out some things Sarah Welch, Graham Austin and I have made. There are photos, prints, comics, installation and possibly sound. Also beer.

"Three young artists return to their birthplace after spending time in their respective northern megacities. Back to the Southwest with virgin eyes, they examine ideas related to space, visual perspective, scale, and the real/unreal, all specific to the Texas landscape."

coppergecko @ 2009-07-17T07:04:00

2009-07-17T13:03:46Z

Well I'lluhh never do inything except occasionally catch my hand and say, "huh that looks pretty good,"

my superhero sisters

This six year old boy I known all his life say to me, he told me his dream was two pieces of wood in a big T shape. Then I went and pulled his brother out of bed. I keep thinking what do with that self when old---what exactly am I going to write songs about when I'm senile. What I rilly mean to say is what I---I have a problem when we arnt doing things bilingual. I got stories about kids.

"It’s like how welders will get metal splinters embedded in their body, but they don’t know they’re
there until they have an MRI and the magnet starts pulling them out."

"In the old, old days, before Columbus 'discovered' us, as they say, we were even closer to the animals than we are now. Many people could understand the animal languages; they could talk to a bird, gossip with a butterfly. Animals could change themselves into people, and people into animals. It was a time when the earth was not quite finished, when many kinds of mountains and streams, animals and plants came into being according to nature's plan."

Shit's getting a little too small
lo siento

Not Quite Texas, Not Quite Hell

2009-06-23T02:30:26Z

It fun an be young, places have character but my character doesn't go many places, just get food for cheap and leaves stuff places, it get sweltering sodom sober in Texas my friend
gets easy to just make pie and get on the roof my friend

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Art Blog
This is a blog for the real stuff. It has stuff from school right now, but it won't be just school stuff.

coppergecko @ 2009-05-15T02:12:00

2009-05-15T06:27:35Z

Was helping a friend with schoolwork and got busted painting over one of the illegal ad sites by some woman who works for the landlord. We escaped but feel bad about getting caught because we were almost done. No photos, don't feel like going into Bedford. My finals are over and I am thinking about how kids in my class have transformed over the course of the year. Some of them haven't and some of them only bloomed for the pistons and pistols to show.

the gem-tumbling genius of sleeping on blankets and clothes: we only work for what we want.

coppergecko @ 2009-05-07T23:45:00

2009-05-08T04:14:22Z

I heard my voice coming out my mouth today talking about a drawing and you know I'm half conscious at this point. I hear my voice and I go, really? That's what my mouth is going to do today? Were those even words? It was some straight stupid Texan that I haven't heard in a bit. I have no idea if anyone understood a god damn word of it, I'm not even talking mountain talk, I don't remember what I said but I'm pretty sure it was fucking incomprehensible

Everybody said to me you know when you said you were just going to draw horses Sarah I didn't know if you'd really do it: Other things people say to me: Did you sleep last night? Are you sleeping tonight? The answer is always FUCK NO

phone is dead long live the panda phone, my new phone feels too delicate for my iron hands

2009-04-19T20:51:08Z

"What if you saw a jeweled palanquin in your dreams, passing fields of rice as it journeyed up towards an elusive mountainside retreat...?!"

http://bacolicio.us/http://coppergecko.livejournal.com

Yesterday it was seventy five degrees, I was under a mild delirium. I went to the planetarium with kids from my school and they showed something like those windows media visualizers, except bigger and better. Occasionally my stomach would drop from the rollercoaster effects they had (like when I was on the tireswing as a kid; my mom told me I was having orgasms which I then repeated to her as organisms).

35 days

2009-04-13T03:21:26Z

Sweet sweet summer, sweet sweet booze, sweet sweet sisters, sweet sweet car, sweet sweet short shorts, sweet sweet bare feet sweet sweet Texas come to me

It's even tougher an I got my Texas spring allergies voice here, so I'm imposing. The April when I was seventeen my backyard was so full of bluebonnets and coneflowers (or black eyed susans) you could lose the dog in it. Rain here is miserable and cold, rain home is warm and blessings from some great sky gods that could never live here

I ain't been so clear as to what I want, very pointedly and exactly, in a while. I want to go here:

I want to do this:

and I want to eat tacos and giant bags of cherries

And it's a difficult thing to reconcile, because I want to do my things here. But I am actually squinting my eyes very hard right now and my chest is hurting and my biceps are getting weak. I'm hitting my head against the wall and my fists, I want to punch something I'm so pumped for Texas. The girl from Houston who worked at Amy's had a party in the common room and there was fried chicken, ice cream and skate videos, I was like what the fuck, why so gold star, my friend. We yell at each other some, "TEXAAAS", arms outstretched, eyes skyward pointing and our hands folded hard. This is because we don't know each other well, but this commonality is enough, and not enough in a passable way, but a completely fulfilling enough.

Swear to God I know Texas is not going to solve all my problems, but Swear to God it will fix half of them. The first month I got here I was completely unable to listen to any music that reminded me of home, and as all things ending are inverses of their beginnings so it happens again. Vision is obscured by the waters and the sunburns and the powder dirt in my mind's eye. I'm doing drawings about drowning and here's some truth: There is no literal fear: all things you fear the most are the things you love the most. All things I fear the most are things I love the most.

coppergecko @ 2009-03-29T17:22:00

2009-03-30T00:19:52Z

Scarecrows know everything because they spend all day outdoors, I'm right worried about can't being able to help myself and turning to the bird I read about in a Roald Dahl story. One day I'm going to see the glint an glitter and I'll just pluck it out without thinking. I think it was a magpie but Crowes do it too, hahaha. Scarcrowes know everything because they spend all day indoors, watching movies and reading about bees and Thales on google books

I'm thinking I need a serious attitude adjustment, but straight up dedication is rarely a good way of getting what you want. Uh. It'll happen.

There's a real thunderstorm outside, I aint heard thunder in a right long time. I kept wondering what the flashes of light were, hahaha, Sarah Crowe spends eight months in new york city and she becomes completely retarded. Ooosh, christ winter break feels like a really long time ago, I'm making summer in Texas work out (this would be one of the cases where sheer iron will is advantageous), I'll work two jobs at HEB, I'll work for the devil himself as long as he gives me forty hours a week.

coppergecko @ 2009-03-21T09:51:00

2009-03-21T13:52:13Z

"As time went by, new companions arrived. Sarah now enjoys what Gerry jokingly refers to as her 'harem:' six neutered male rabbits who share her space. Much of Sarah's time is spent sprawled on a pillow, being groomed by several rabbits at a time.

But don't mistake her indolence for passivity. 'She can move like lightning if she wants,' says Carol. 'She guards the room.'

'She's the boss,' agrees Gerry. 'She's sweet, but she's the boss.'

'Sarah's a super-soul,' adds Carol. 'There's so much energy and willfulness-in spite of her deformity.'"

coppergecko @ 2009-03-13T09:12:00

2009-03-13T13:18:00Z

My friend said Wednesday morning she came into my room and saw me smiling real big in my sleep. All I remember about that morning was sleeping until it was gone.

coppergecko @ 2009-03-08T16:21:00

2009-03-08T20:39:49Z

Oh well. Just need some high fives for courage.

When you spend too much time (embarrassing amounts of time, as much as I'd like to think I don't get embarrassed all and what anymore) thinking about what would happen if xyz, the number of options becomes so large that what actually happens sometimes feels like just another construct. Last night I was asking myself what I was doing, it felt like a stress dream where I'd wake up and my day would start low. But I'm likely better off than I was two days ago, two months ago, two years ago. The waiting is weird. It's pretty normal though.

did you get tanner?? You are, will??

2009-02-23T02:17:29Z

It is the constitution I got from avoiding spitting in my own hands or cutting them open for blood brother ties that created the shaking I experienced. It's ok though, people ok with focusing on their own shaking too much to see anyone else's (this is true of me, this is true of anyone you ever seen looking at the middle ground)

I got stuck in the trap last week of art practice which is the worst one, the one where you want to share your amazing feelings. I forgot how impossible it is to convince anybody of anything if you're standing next to something saying all these words words words.

I got the kind of cold where you can't actually sneeze and I started reading parts of The Sound and the Fury again, I don't know if I'll ever stop loving Quentin's section

coppergecko @ 2009-02-10T23:39:00

2009-02-11T04:43:46Z

We are done done gone, I either don't have all that many ~toxins~ in my body or the union between my corporeal whole, lemons, honey, cayenne and salt water was just not meant to be. It's ok. My friend now says I have stuck my foot in the door of these crazy consumption alterations and that it will be unavoidable due to all of us living together next year. I think I will instead listen closely to what they crave and eat it in front of them.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-08T23:20:00

2009-02-09T04:23:12Z

Lame, just waiting to be done. Nothing's happening. Someone made bacon this morning on my floor and I wanted it. I've lasted than my dad's college girlfriend. I remember when it was day two and I was saying, just think about when it will be day eight! Ah, that feels so long ago.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-07T23:48:00

2009-02-08T04:53:25Z

Nothing all that exciting today. We're not sure our honey is going to last us another week, and the guy who sells it wasn't at the market, so we're probably stopping on day ten. My roommate might go longer, but she's also the only one who's getting real positive results. It's a positive that we originally set the goal for longer, though, because while yesterday we thought we were only half-way done, we are now so close to finishing it's just a barreling through process!

My tongue somehow got even whiter today! My roommate's looks outright disgusting though.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-06T22:15:00

2009-02-07T03:25:21Z

I'll be straight up, internet, I'm avoiding the lemonade because it's so boooring to drink lemonade all the time and then I feel hungry. What I should be doing is finishing a gallon a day, but I haven't done that in a while. However, we are basically halfway done with our goal of 14 days, and only four days away from the Master Cleanse minimum. I've lasted longer than anybody I directly know who's tried this, and in two days I'll have lasted longer than my dad's college girlfriend. Goals help! I'm certainly not stopping now, but I would like all the sudden mental clarity and energy and weird food I ate in 1997 to start appearing as encouragement. Time is in that weird slow present, fast past state. Probably because I'm not doing much, because I don't want to overexert myself (I convinced roommate and friend that we shouldn't go hiking tomorrow, we had made the decision before Master Cleanse came into the picture and both of them wanted to just barrel through, but that really would not be a good idea), but ach. Whatever.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-05T18:39:00

2009-02-05T23:50:59Z

One of the immediate benefits we discovered about the Master Cleanse is that my roommate was able to sleep. Normally she'll stay awake in bed for hours before being able to get a little shut-eye, but my roommate is able to nap now, something inconceivable before. She felt really energetic today too, better than when she normally gets only a little sleep. I felt tired today, but I also made the mistake (a mistake whether you're on a detox or not) of pulling an all-nighter. We're both feeling colder than normal but that's pretty common. The salt water doesn't even feel like a big deal anymore.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-04T23:31:00

2009-02-05T04:41:05Z

Got very hard in the afternoon, but I realize now it's because I wasn't drinking enough. My day outside of master cleanse was bad and so feeling the way I do is more likely due to that. We are now over 25% done with this sucker, if the rest of the quarters go like this it's completely doable.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-03T22:12:00

2009-02-04T03:34:05Z

Nothing particularly different about today. The salt water was easier to take down. Master Cleanse is always made out to be some monumentally difficult thing, especially the first three days, but we're really not struggling. Maybe that will come later. The idea of eating solid food sounds ok, but thinking about specific foods isn't very exciting.

If it's even believable, I'm not nearly done with snow, I'm still in love with it! Good coats and waterproof shoes, all the difference in the world.

I'm waiiiting to be done with some of my projects, sometimes the days feel too long. I want to become so dedicated to something that I feel myself passing through the mental barrier like when I learned to tie my shoes. My dad and I were at the UT campus and he was leaving me behind after I had stopped us for too long trying to tie my shoes and refusing his help. My hands moved and it worked, I don't know how to explain it but the sensation in my head was almost audible.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-02T19:14:00

2009-02-03T05:58:54Z

The salt water flush is tough, but it's quick. One of our numbers (she does not wish to be identified) decided that in lieu of putting a little bit of cayenne in every glass, she'd take a single shot of a teaspoon of cayenne mixed with water. I am 100% against anyone doing this. While she was truly a baller taking it down with only a few hiccups as the apparent symptom, some hours later it came out of her body in one fell swoop with agonizing results. She's got a weak tongue which made a single shot seem better than drinking lemonade that was too hot all day, but she's very unsure of where she stands now. I'm saying no.

The idea of food is mostly a mental game now, we're getting less calories than on our normal diets but still about 3/4 of the recommended daily intake. Our bellies are getting filled for certain; you definitely have to consciously try to make it through the gallon. It's just monotonous.

coppergecko @ 2009-02-01T22:48:00

2009-02-02T03:59:48Z

Today my friend, my roommate and I started the Master Cleanse. I want to use this internet diary as a way to chronicle how we feel and what definitive results come from doing this. At this point it's become an experiment for me, because the toxins talk always sounds like pseudo-science and I don't want to lose weight. I feel kind of stupid, but we're beyond stopping now!

I didn't do the salt water flush to start it all out, but my roommate did. I sampled it and it's disgusting. Roommate had an easier time downing it after identifying the taste as bloody. She's raw beegan, my friend is a vegetarian, and I eat meat, so we have a broad spectrum of dietary starting points. My friend and I started the lemonade and have just added a pinch of cayenne to the glass we drink from instead of a bunch to the pitcher. We're not hungry but now that food is not an option we feel jealous when we see people eating delicious food. I was tired earlier but now I am not. I just took the senna leaf tea and it tasted really nice, even without honey (we're using raw honey instead of the syrup in the lemonade as well). I can't reiterate how unsure I am about the salt water flush every morning, but it's only two weeks and I'm going to try and just take it like the mature, responsible adult that would never do something like a detox diet.

coppergecko @ 2009-01-14T14:00:00

2009-01-14T20:24:20Z

The Double Fantasy tape that's been stuck in my car since the day before I left for New York spit itself out yesterday, three days before I go back! This is a big deal. It means I can allow myself to listen to the songs again, and it also means some other things. Embarrassingly metaphorical things, because the past few years garnered me up superstitious and constantly looking for omens.

I'm getting a massage today. I don't know what to tell them! Hello masseuse, can you fix my whole back? I think my whole back is fucked. I can feel my muscles turning into pellets. Masseuse, how does one deal with doubt? How do you ever know what you want, masseuse? Does that kind of thing really really just come down to decisiveness masseuse? Masseuse you are my one and only!